Castle Chaos!
by The QAS
Summary: When Dumbledore's great great niece comes to town, Hogwarts is about to get a run for its money...
1. Prologue

**I know, I know. The prologe is short, and kinda boring. But I promise, it gets much better later ****on.**

**Anyway, enjoy! **

**Disclaimer-I only own Coco, Jessica, and the bubblegum flavored lip balm in my room**

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My name is Jessica Dumbledore. I am nine years old. And I am a _squib_. A squib is a _muggle_ who is born from a family of wizards and witches but does not have any magical powers of his/her own. Unlike _muggle-borns_, (who are born once every thirty wizards or so,) they are born less than once out of every thousand wizard families. I am one of these rare children. The truth is, most people don't want to have squibs in their families. Also, I don't really to fit in with other wizard children, so the few friends I have are all muggles. I don't mind at all, but my parents (who are both undercover _orers _in the United States) wanted me to spend more time around magical children. So I was forced to pack up my things, say good-bye to all of my dear friends in US, and move all the way to Great Brittan to live with my great grandfather, Aberforth Dumbledore.

Once again, I had to have a fresh start. It's not that I didn't know anything about wizardry, I just, well spend more time with muggles. I don't see what the big deal is, I mean, **I'm** a muggle too. My great grandfather couldn't even seem to reach me, so I moved again to live with my parents' only hope, my great great uncle Albus Dumbledore, the greatest wizard of all time, and headmaster of Hogwarts.

Dumbledore was more patient with me than the others. I guess he's just use to kids because he works with them so much. But my short attention span; my constant interrupting; my clumsiness; my hyperness (I don't even think that's a word); my complaints; Coco, my pet monkey; and my lack of being able keeping secrets, slowly got on his nerves. It's not like I can't help any of that stuff. I mean, I suppose I **could** try to work on them, but I don't think I will.

This is the story of my chaotic adventures in Hogwarts. Our tale begins on what started out as a normal day in Denver, Colorado...

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**Well? What did you think? How will the Hogwarts students react to Dumbledore's hyperactive muggle niece? Find out, and...REVIEW!**


	2. Chapter 1

"No!" I folded my arms and pouted. "No! No No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! And by the way, did I mention, NO!"

"Come on, Sweetheart," my mom pleaded. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"That my pet gerbil is brutally killed and eaten by the owl delivering the mail!" I exclaimed.

"That was one time! And you know how sorry your grandfather is about that."

"I'm still not going!" I declaired.

"But Jessica-I-you can't-Dan come in here and help me out!"

"But I'm watching muggle football!" dad whined.

"Dan. Kitchen. _Now_."

"Coming, dear!"

"Now tell Jessica she has nothing to worry about and that Albus is a kind understanding man. Tell her that it'll be fun."

"Okay," he turned to me. "Jessica, it'll be fun."

"Uh-uh. I'm not going. And you can't make me!"

My dad shrugged. "Oh, well. I tried, back to the game." He headed back for the living room, when my mom pulled him by the shirt.

"Not so fast." I decided that moment would be a good time to escape. I quietly tip toed to the door. I was halfway out of the kitchen, when my mom said. "Ahem, and where might you be going, young lady?"

_Darn it! She's on to me! _"Nowhere," I mumbled.

"Good. Now, sit." I pulled up a chair at the table. My mom pulled out two more for her and dad.

I groaned. "Is this one of those 'family meetings' again?"

"Aw, I have family meetings!" my dad said. Mom glared at him. "I mean...yay! I love family meetings!"

"Look, Jessica. We know its scary for you because this is all new. But someday you'll have to get a job-"

"I could always get a job in the muggle world," I pointed out.

"Don't interrupt your mother."

"Sorry."

"Anyways, you'll love it there. Hogwarts is the best wizarding school there is. You'll meet many interesting people there, including, possibly Harry Potter himself!"

"I don't care. He's annoying anyway. Potter is all those stupid papers talk about anyway, 'Potter did this', or 'Potter did that'. I wish everyone would just shut up about it."

"We'll talk about that later. But Honey, why don't you want to go? You had fun with your Aberforth last year...

**Flashback: **

_"Grandpa, have you seen my gerbil?" _

_"No, I haven't sorry." _

_TSSSSSTTEEER. _

_"Would you please go get the mail?" _

_"Fine." Two seconds later Aberforth hears a high pitched screech, followed by a lot of banging. _

_Aberforth walked upstairs to see what was going on, and in my room there was the owl delivering the mail, and I was wacking it with my Artemis Fowl book. _

_"What are you doing?" he demanded, "stop that!" _

_"NOOOO! HE KILLED MY GERBIL! I WANT MY GERBIL NOW!" I ran up to attack the owl, but it had already flown away. _

**Unflashback: **

My dad shuddered. "Yeah, that was not my favorite."

"The point is," I said, "that I don't want another repeat of the 'gerbil incident' again. Not to mention all the kids will make fun of me. You know how they are, they hate people without magic."

"Not all of them," mom said. "If anything happens you can tell Albus. Please, Sweetheart. We're not doing this for us, we're doing it for you."

UGGH! I hate when she does the guilt thing! "Fine," I said, "but if I don't like it-which I **won't**-I'm coming back."

My mom lit up. "So you'll try it?"

"Like I said, I won't be staying long."

Mom hugged me. "That you so much!"

"Anyway, I've got to pack my bags, I believe tomorrow I'm flying to London."

"Okay, go pack."

I turned to leave. "Oh, and one more thing."

"What's that?"

"Coco comes too."

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**Thank you for reviewing my first chapter Skylan D. Water and MoonDance29 **

**Speaking of which...REVIEW!**


	3. Chapter 2

I had never met my uncle Albus before. Sure, I'd heard about him, and seen pictures and stuff, but it's not exactly the same as actually meeting the person. He was said to be the best wizard alive-the only one that You-Know-Who feared.

I turned to Coco. "Well, here goes nothing." I knocked on his office door. An old man answered it. He had a long silvery beard, and half-moon glasses, but the most unusual feature by far were his twinkling bright blue eyes. They looked so happy and alive-not what you'd expect from an old guy like him.

"Hello, you must be Jessica," he said with a friendly smile. "Please, come in."

I stepped into the office and looked around. It was huge! "Wow," I said, "sweet place."

"Thank you." he looked at Coco, "and who is this?"

"This is Coco, my monkey-or actually a Japanese Macaque if you want to be more specific. My dad gave him to me three years ago when he was in Laredo Texas, for the Aurers convention. There he found baby Coco, all alone and abandon, so he rescued it, and I got to keep him."

"That's quite a story."

"Uh-huh," I explored the office more. His desk was covered with important-looking files, books, papers, and other stuff. One thing caught my eye. It was a book with a huge hole in the middle, like someone had stabbed it. Printed in the corner was a name in faded gold letters, it read _Tom Riddle_. I looked up at my uncle. "Who's-" I began.

"Please don't touch that," he said, taking it from my hands.

"Why not?" I asked.

Either he hadn't heard me, or ignored my question. I shrugged and kept looking around. There was a red bird perched on a stand. It stood so still, I thought it was a statue. But when I reached my hand out to touch it, the bird squaked irritably.

"AH!" I yelped, jumping back in surprise, accidently causing an expensive-looking vase to fall over, breaking. "Oops."

I was afraid he would be mad but the Albus just smiled and said. "Don't worry about it." he pulled out his wand and pointed it at the shattered glass. "Repairo!" the vase came back together.

I stared at him in disbelief. "Cool," I said.

"I apologize about Folks," he said, "he can be a bit tempermental."

"What kind of bird is he?" I asked.

"A phoenix, actually."

I frowned. "Isn't that like a place in Arizona or something?"

He chuckled. "Hevans, no. A phoenix is a type of ancient fire bird. They burst into flames when it's time for them to die, and then are reborn from the ashes."

"Wow. Were do you get one?"

"I'm afraid they are not sold."

I pouted.

* * *

"Hey, uncle?"

"Yes?"

"Can I watch TV?"

"I'm sorry, but electricity doesn't work with magic."

"I know, duh. That's why I packed a generator," I pulled it out of my backpack, which was charmed to fit like a trillion things in it, I felt like it was Marry Poppin's bag! "Impressive, huh?"

"Quite," he really did look surprised. "I can not promise you it'll work though..."

I plugged in my laptop, and turned it on. "Yep, I'm pretty sure it works!" What? He didn't think I was going six months without electricity, would he? That's insane!

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That night at dinner, Albus announced me to the rest of the school.

"I would like to have everybody's attention, please," he called, "this term we are lucky enough to have with us a special guest. I would like to introduce my niece, Jessica."

Three out of four of the tables clapped.

"Ahem," I coughed.

"And her Chinese-"

"Japanese!" I corrected.

"Japanese macaque, Coco."

I nodded, satisfied.

"She is visiting all the way from America, and I expect everyone will make her feel welcome. This will be a learning experience for herself as well as students and teachers likewise. She does not have magic of her own, and she wants to learn more about it. So by observing the classes, she plans to do just that. Now, without further ado, let the feast begin." Instantly the plates lit up with food.

Now, I'm a very picky eater. First off, I'm a vegetarian, I hate fish, and anything that's green (with an exception of green apples). I hate vegetables, most fruits, and a bunch of other things. I kind of feel bad for my parents who have to go crazy just to get me to eat. They've tried not letting me eat until I have my vegetables once, so I didn't eat for nearly two days. Eventually they became worried and, desperate fro me to eat, they gave me macaroni and cheese for dinner (what they didn't know is that I have a secret stash of candy in my room SHHH! Don't tell my mom!) My doctor says it's unhealthy, but I get enough exercise for it to matter all that much. So I pretty much just picked at my food. I was bored, so I started balancing a spoon on my nose. "Hey, Uncle Albus, look what I can do!" I announced.

"Jessica, please do not do that."

I made a face, but obeyed and put the spoon down.

Coco dug his nails into back. He began to let out high-pitched screams.

Many teachers and students began to freak out. "What's going on?" "What's wrong with that thing?" "Why is he making those noises?"

I rolled my eyes. "He's just hungry," I told them.

"What do macaws eat?"

"Macaque," I corrected, "a macaw is a kind of parrot. And he likes roots, leaves, fungi, invertabrates, insects," a couple of kids and teachers made sick faces or gagging sounds, "and fruit," I concluded.

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**Coming up... **

**_How will Malfoy react when he finds out there's a muggle in the castle? _**

**_What happens when Jessica observes the classes? _**

**_Why does Jessica hate Harry Potter? _**

**_And why am I listing all these questions? _**

**Find out! Please review! **


	4. Chapter 4

According to Dumbledore, I had to spend each day shadowing a different house and tell him what I had learned at the end of the day. The first day, I would be following around the Griffindors. My uncle told me that a girl named Hermione would show me around.

Too lazy to get dressed, I put on my puppy-dog slippers, and went downstairs in my pajamas. I got a couple of funny looks from people, but I really was too tired to care all that much. I gave Coco some fruit and I ate...well, honestly, the only thing I ate were some of the sugar cubes I found in a bowl near the tea. Probably not a good idea for breakfast, I know. But I'm not a morning person, and, let's face it, we afternoon people need all the boosting we can get in the morning. If you're an afternoon kind of person, you know what I mean.

A girl with extremely bushy brown hair came up to me. "Hi, I'm Hermione Granger. Are you Jessica?"

"Yeah," I said with a mouth full of sugar.

She looked at me. "Are you eating plain sugar?"

I nodded.

"Oh. Isn't that...kind of...unhealthy?"

I swallowed. "What's your point?"

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"So these are my friends Ron Weasley, and I'm sure you've heard of Harry Potter."

Ron was a redhead with a big nose and freckles. I'd heard about the Weasley family before, who hadn't? I pretty much just ignored Harry though.

"Well, well, well. Look who we have here. The squib, the mudblood, and the mudblood-lovers."

"Malfoy," Ron sneered.

I'd also heard about the Malfoys, they were a pureblood family that hated all muggles and muggle-borns.

I looked at Malfoy. He was about Hermione's age, with a pale face, light blonde hair, and unforgiving grey eyes, with a goon on each side. I'd seen his father, Lucius in the paper before, this was definetly his son, no doubt about it.

I extended my hand. "Nice to meet you too," I said. The three Griffindors laughed.

"What? Is that creature actually speaking to me?" He asked his goons.

"No," I said sarcastically. "I was talking to that dead fly in the corner, afterall, it seems much more pleasant than you."

Malfoy seemed shocked that someone actually dared to speak to him that way. The Griffindors looked awed too. Their expressions showed a mixture of horror and respect. I guess no one ever had the guts to stand up to this guy. And these Griffindors were supposed to be brave! "Watch it, squib. You will learn that some wizards are better than others."

"Oh, that sound just facinating, I can't wait to hear all about it."

"You have the nerve to speak to me that way, squib? Then maybe I should teach you a little lesson."

"Or maybe I should teach you one!"

Hermione grabbed me. "Jessica, no. Don't do it. You have no idea what you're dealing with."

Malfoy laughed. "Why, thank you, Granger. I'm glad somebody knows their place."

GRRRRRRRRRRRR.

Now even Malfoy looked confused. "Did you just growl at me?"

"WOOF!" I barked. Yes, I know it's weird, but that's how I grew up to deal with bullies, you bark at them and then they become confused and forget they're trying to beat you up. And if that didn't work, I'd just stare at them until they got scared and ran away.

"I always knew you Dumbledore's were dogs."

"Thank you."

"That was an insult."

"I like dogs."

"You're even more stupid than your uncle!"

I clenched my hands into fists.

Coco made a sound from his throat.

"And what kind of repulsive creature is that supposed to be?" he demanded.

That's it. The boy crossed the line. You can insult me, you can insult my family, but nobody, and I mean** nobody** insults my monkey.

I punched him as hard as I could. And then again. And again. And again. And again. It felt good.

"Crabbe! Goyal! Do something!"

But his goons were frozen with fear.

I continued to punch him until he lay crying on the floor. Then I looked that jerk straight in the eye and said. "_Never_ insult me or my family again."

"Jessica, do you have any idea how much trouble you'll be in!" Hermione cried.

I shrugged. "Eh. What class do we go to first?"

As we walked Ron looked back and whispered to me. "I think Malfoy deserved it."

One thing was for sure. It would be a while before he thought to bother me again.

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**Did I mention Jessica had a tiny bit of anger management issues?**


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